Ian Silverman, Rabbi

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The Importance of Civility

It's always been a bit ironic that as we move into the more carefree summer months, in which we hope to relax and to live a life of leisure, that the Jewish calendar calls for us not to relax but to move into a three week period when we don't eat meat (except for Shabbat), and when we limit swimming, weddings and shaving. The three week period commences this year on July 1 and ends with Tisha B'Av July 21-22 (beginning after Shabbat). All this quasi-mourning-like behavior is due to the fact that we twice lost Jerusalem and the Holy Temples on this day. Our sages taught that we were exiled and destroyed, not because we were outmatched militarily, but also because we were weak inside. 

One of the people's flaws was that of sinat chinam, unwarranted hatred of our fellow man. The classic story is told of a host, Kamza, who was not ready to forget the dislike of his guest, Bar Kamza, even though the guest had come to Kamza's home thinking he was forgiven. The story's pathos is the missed opportunity of civility, forgiveness and friendship. In its place, the host humiliates the person who tried to build a relationship with him. Our sages compare the act of shaming another as the equivalent of shedding blood (murder), because humiliation drains the blood from the face or fills it with redness. Rabbi Shammai, a great rabbi, humiliated a potential convert by throwing him out of his Yeshiva when the convert challenged Rabbi Shammai to tell him about Judaism while standing on one foot. When the convert came to Rabbi Hillel with the same challenge, Rabbi Hillel responded, “That which is hateful to you, don't do to another, all the rest is commentary.” “Receive everyone with joyful countenance,” he says elsewhere. Anger and impatience get the best of even the greatest among us. Moses doesn't get into the Promised Land because of it and even God, at times, is held back and talked down by the righteous. Rabbi Meir once prayed for the death of sinners. “Pray instead,” says his wife, Bruria, “ for their repentance and change, and there will not be any sinners and wickedness will cease.” Rabbi Meir admits that his wife's solution is far better.

Another of the people's flaws was the way they spoke to and about one another. Lason Hara, or evil speech, is a grave sin, even if what we say is true. Motzi Shem Ra is badmouthing another. It's not even permitted to praise a person in front of someone who dislikes that person because it will often elicit words to the contrary! These laws are not easy to follow. All the more difficult is to hold one's tongue. Our sages tell us that we have one mouth and two ears, so that we can listen twice as much as we talk, and that we have teeth and lips to restrain our tongue from what we shouldn't say. There are even rules against rebuking another. It is an important mitzvah to call out another when they are doing something contrary the the Torah, but it should be done in private so as not to embarrass them. And if one knows that it will only entrench the bad behavior, it too, should be avoided.

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A passage in Psalms reads, "Mi Ha ish HaChafetz Chayyim"– "Who is the lover of life? He who guards his mouth from speaking guile.” A sage asks, “Why are these two things, living life and guarding our lips, together in a sentence and what does one have to do with the other?” He tells us that everyone is born with a budget of words–a million and a quarter–whatever. Once they are uttered, that's it. It's all over and a person dies. But the words of the Torah, of comfort, counsel and empathy–those words don't count. This is why a person who guards his speech extends his or her life (Nachalat Zvi). I do not know if this is literally true, but it is clear that a person who is careful with speech will have more friends and confidants than one who isn't. I know that extends and enriches life.

These lessons of long ago apply doubly today, in the current atmosphere of insult and innuendo. Unfortunately, the media and the highest echelons of government and leadership have not learned these lessons. It is leading to unparalleled bipartisanism and polarization. It is affecting the way we and our children speak to one another. May we endeavor to strive toward the Jewish ideal of civility, and in so doing, help to transform the present climate as well as we can.

Please join us as we commemorate Tisha B'Av on July 21-22 and recall its lessons. May your summer days be longer, brighter and more relaxing, even as we observe our calendar's demands.

Ian Silverman, Rabbi

View current news articles, commentary, videos and more that have an impact on Jewish culture, politics and religion at Rabbi Silverman's Sites to See

• Why the Apple and Why the Honey for Rosh Hashana?

Why not bananas or pears, as they are too, very sweet? A myriad of reasons accompany the ancient tradition of using apples and honey. One reason is that the apple ripens just at this time of year and is at maximum sweetness. Honey is also coming into its own very strongly at this time. Apples have a tartness to them even as they are sweet, and honey, while sweet, brings with it the honey bee, which can sting. This duality reflects the idea that not every day will be sweet. Some days will be bitter and perhaps biting. Yet, we must attribute both the good and the bad to God, and seek to find some aspect of holiness in even those bitter moments.

Steven Walvick, Hazzan

 

Passover Parodies

Now that my years of intense study at the Academy for Jewish Religion has come to a close, and I am officially both a Rabbi and a Hazzan, what is the point of it all?  What does it matter to come into this position holding both skill sets of music and text, of the Siddur and of the Talmud, of Lewandowski and Maimonides? Why does the East Northport Jewish Center need both of these roles to be fulfilled, and not simply hire a sole Rabbi (or a sole Cantor) to serve all of its clerical needs? Now certainly, if you went with someone who was just a Rabbi, you’d likely have uninspired and unmusical Tefillah, as the prayers might lack the artistry granted by a skilled Hazzan. And if you simply had a Cantor, perhaps the sermons would lack the depth that a Rabbi trained in homiletics could provide. But all that is obvious. What is not obvious, is that someone trained in both text and music can create monstrosities of parody songs for Passover that simultaneously educate and (hopefully) entertain the listeners.

Towards that end, this year I wish to share some of my creations for Passover, and add a brief commentary on what the song teaches. We start with one of my oldest creations, and perhaps the easiest musically to implement into your own Seder:

“Four or Five Glasses of Wine” a la “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”

Refrain:

Four or Five glasses of wine on this night–one for each promise divine –
They’re all in Shemot, but the fifth missed the boat

We hope that Elijah will solve this in time

Verse:

Hotzeyti, "I'll bring you out" that’s listed first

Hitzalti "I'll rescue" - same verse

Ga'alti "Redeem"; you know what I mean

Lakachti "I'll take you" That's four for our thirst

(refrain)

Verse:

And yet there's Hayveyti, a promise as well,
to bring us all to Yisrael.
But that’d make it five, and that wouldn’t jive,

so we’ll wait for Elijah to come and to tell.

(refrain)

This song addresses a practice that most of us misunderstand. כוס אליהו – Elijah’s Cup. This is not simply some “Milk and Cookies for Santa” rip-off. As Eliezer Melamed wrote in his seminal text Peninei Halakhah, Pesach 16:36: “A significant uncertainty arose concerning the fifth cup. Some say that there is an extra special mitzvah to drink a fifth cup; the fourth cup should be drunk at the end of the Hallel and the fifth cup after the concluding berakha. Others say that the fifth cup is merely the Sages’ recommendation for one who wishes to continue drinking after the fourth cup. Still others say it is forbidden to drink a fifth cup.”
The customary practice is not to drink a fifth cup, ‘though the custom is to pour it and to call it “Eliyahu’s Cup.” The Vilna Gaon explains how it got this name: when there is an uncertainty that cannot be resolved, we believe that when the prophet Eliyahu returns as a harbinger of the messianic era, he will resolve it. Thus, we pour a fifth cup in his honor, and when he arrives he will tell us if we must drink it.’

This is not an opportunity for Elijah to ride from home to home, drinking people’s terrible, terrible Seder wine. It is a symbol for the disagreement over how the Seder is to be performed, and it’s there to demonstrate that there is a place for divergence in the Jewish community, and that we don’t simply dismiss the minority opinion out of hand, but preserve multiple voices and customs, even if we don’t follow those practices.

If that is not enough for your Seder, I additionally wrote the following song to address both the Ma Nishtana and the practice of Maror and Haroset:

“Take Ḥaroset” a la “Hit the Road Jack” by Percy Mayfield

Chorus:
 You take Ḥaroset, and then you gotta dip maror, maror, maror, maror

You take Ḥaroset, and then you gotta dip maror  (x2)

Verse:
 On every other night we eat “Ḥametz uMatzah”,
tonight our only bread is flat as Oklahoma.

Then Hillel came and changed the score—
We gotta eat it with that bitter maror.

That’s Right!

(Chorus)

Verse:
 On every other night we eat Sha’ar Yirakot,
any type of veggie that might float your boat;

But tonight there ain’t no either/or—
we’ve gotta eat that bitter maror.

That’s Right!

(Chorus)

Verse:
 On every other night, we don’t even dip once,
“Afilu pa’am eḥad” in the Hebrew, you dunce!

Once for karpas and what’s more—
The second time’s that bitter maror.

That’s Right! 

(Chorus)

Verse:
 On every other night we may sit or recline,
“kulanu m’subin” when we’re drinkin’ our wine

Yet there’s one food we must all sit for,
we can’t recline when we eat our maror.

That’s Right! 

(Chorus)

The Ma-Nishtana has always bothered me. The whole point of the Seder is to ask questions, to learn and study the concept of freedom, similarly to how the ancient Greeks would hold a symposium to focus on ideals like love. As Peter Garnsey stated in Food and Society in Classical Antiquity: “the event depicted in the symposium is a banquet attended by a group of men, who have come to the symposium, which was, in ancient Greece, a traditional part of the same banquet that took place after the meal, when drinking for pleasure was accompanied by music, dancing, recitals, or conversation” Now, we’ve replaced the after dinner revelry (Greek: epikomion) with a bit of left over matzah (Afikoman) but the format is otherwise intact. But if the point is to delve into a subject as rich and deep as “freedom,” why do we use the same canned questions year after year? Even worse, some of those questions aren’t even applicable anymore. Is dipping food such a strange phenomenon to those of us who routinely dip French fries in ketchup, or pita in hummus? Meanwhile, is reclining at the dinner table a valid option today? I’m fairly sure your great aunt would disapprove of you not sitting up straight! So what do we get out of this ritualized question and answer? Well, you get participation from the children, which is one of the essential goals of the Seder. For this is not simply an event for the adult males to discuss while the womenfolk provide food and entertainment, and the children are not to be found at all. Rather, the Seder is an all-inclusive family event where everyone is encouraged to participate.

This brings us full circle, back to adding parody songs to your Seder. If you and your family are all fully fluent in Aramaic, great, chant the traditional text, add a few new commentaries and texts, and you’ve fulfilled your obligation. But if not, it is not only allowed, but fully encouraged to add texts and songs to the Seder that will both educate, and prompt people to add new questions to the Seder, even if those questions are “Why are we singing this dreck?”

Hag Kasher v’Samayach